Discover 15 reasons your wife talks about her ex-boyfriend and what it means for your marriage.
Is your wife talking to a former boyfriend?
It can be frustrating, perplexing, and downright bizarre.
Here’s how to tell if your marriage is over or just hit a snag.
1) She’s playing a game.
Let’s begin with a familiar and unfortunate reason why your wife talks about her boyfriend and what it means for your marriage:
Because she’s playing a game with you, she sometimes talks about that magical winter in Aspen with her ex Brad.
She’s explicitly playing a game with your heart.
She’s seeing how you’ll react and whether you’ll flip out, cry, withdraw, or do something wrong in response.
Very immature behavior that nobody should engage in any relationship, much less a marriage.
You have good reason to be upset if your wife brings up her ex-boyfriend to test your emotional stability.
It’s juvenile, hurtful, and dangerous. Your wife is willing to put your marriage on fire to see how much you care for her or how angry you can be when she has fantasies about another man.
2) She wants to hurt you.
It only gets worse.
One of the most common reasons your wife talks about her boyfriend is to make you jealous.
She wants to lash out because she hurts by something in her relationship or her life.
To make you angry, she brings up her ex.
She presses on if you don’t respond.
If you do react, she uses it as a pretext for a bigger, nastier fight.
It’s a vicious cycle that you can’t win.
Culture Club’s 1982 hit song “Do You Want To Hurt Me?”
“Do you really want to hurt me?”
“Do you want to make me cry?”
In this case, unfortunately, yes.
Your wife truly wishes to injure and make you cry.
That is not a pleasant situation.
It’s not right for your wife to try to harm you!
If your wife does this, it’s just one of a few signs that:
3) Your relationship is in danger.
If your marriage were going well, your wife would not be playing games or attempting to hurt you.
She is aware that talking to her ex-boyfriend is neither healthy nor normal.
How would she react if you continued to talk about your gorgeous ex-girlfriend?
She would also feel awkward, right?
You may believe your relationship has run its course and your wife is simply looking for a way out, but this is not always true.
Don’t despair if this describes you; there is a way to save your relationship.
Brad Browning is an expert on relationships and marriage. In this quick video, he shares some excellent tips on resolving the issues in your wedding.
But that’s not all.
He also discusses common mistakes most people make, usually resulting in divorce.
This video will help you start if you want to give your marriage a second chance.
With Brad’s help, you can reach out to your spouse and rekindle the loving relationship you once had.
4) She wants to divorce you because she misses her ex.
Browning’s technique is practical and intelligent, especially if there is still hope for your marriage.
However, if your wife convinces you that she wants to leave the marriage, you may be unable to stop her.
In some cases, one of the reasons your wife discusses her boyfriend and what it means for your marriage is that she wishes to divorce you.
Talking about her ex is her way of telling you that you’re not good enough for her and that she doesn’t want you any longer.
It is deadly serious, contrasting to the first few points where I discuss game-playing and provoking.
She wants to leave the relationship and won’t make it easy for you.
She’s bringing up her ex to emphasize that she no longer has boundaries and wants nothing to do with you. She might also miss her ex.
5) She’s putting pressure on you.
Another reason your wife talks about her boyfriend could be that she’s trying to pressure you.
The logic here is clear:
She had previously been with a man with many likable or dislikeable traits and habits.
She’s now bringing them up in a clear comparison to you.
She might, for instance, discuss how dirty her ex-boyfriend was about cleaning up around their apartment.
You’ll soon be an ex if you don’t stop being so messy.
On the plus side, she might reminisce about her ex-boyfriend and how attentive he was in bed.
She’s becoming bored, so you’re not good enough in bed.
It is far from subtle, and it’s normal for you to feel ticked off if your wife does this.
Why is she drawing parallels between you and an ex who is no longer in her life? Even if she does it “nicely,” it creates pressure and awkward expectations.
You may quickly become disoriented and require clarification at this point.
I strongly recommend checking out the Lee H. Baucom’s Save The Marriage System. Owing a copy of it is 100% guaranteed to help save your marriage.
Speaking with a relationship coach about your circumstance might be beneficial.
You can receive guidance tailored to your life and experiences while working with a qualified relationship coach.
Relationship Magic is for men or women, married or single. They’re a prevalent resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
6) She wants to cheat on you.
Another common reason your wife mentions her boyfriend is that she’s making a way to cheat on you.
Some people act more rashly than others.
However, many cheaters exhibit signs of infidelity long before they commit the act.
They make fantasizing comments that seem bizarre.
They hit on attractive people, even in front of their partners. And so on.
That’s why sometimes it’s essential to remember that your wife’s comments about her ex-boyfriend could be more than talk or gamesmanship.
They could be a part of her cheating plan.
Maybe with him, maybe not.
Cheating, on the other hand, appears to be on her mind.
7) The flame is nearly out.
The fact that your wife frequently talks to her boyfriend is usually a sign that she no longer feels the flame.
It can be on multiple levels:
- Even spiritual
She’s not feeling it any longer, and she’s bringing up an ex to let you know that she’s not happy with how things are going.
It can be challenging to maintain the connection when this occurs.
So don’t allow things to reach this stage; act now to rescue your marriage before it’s too late.
As I indicated, Brad Browning is one of the foremost authorities on preserving marriages.
In this simple yet genuine video, you’ll discover some helpful advice on how to fix your relationship and restore the love and dedication you once shared.
8) She is upset with you.
Your wife’s anger at you is one of the main reasons she talks about her partner.
Sometimes it’s not so much that she wants to annoy you, but she’s already irritated.
Maybe it’s her issue; perhaps you’re to blame.
Or it’s a mix of both.
The point is:
She’s bringing up her ex to annoy you.
She has become enraged and is acting out crudely and cruelly to score a blowback.
If she is acting so desperately, you must wonder what is causing her to have such an emotional outburst.
Even if you’ve done something wrong, you shouldn’t have to put up with your wife’s irrational fury when she hurls the memory of an ex in your direction.
9) Your wife is concerned that you are not her true love.
She’s concerned that you’re not her soul mate, which is another of the main reasons your wife brings up her boyfriend.
Romantic ideas of love have a way of disintegrating after marriage.
Your wife is worried that she made a mistake by uniting her life with hers because the minutiae of daily life regularly replace the initial stars you both had in your eyes.
In actuality, a relationship can ruin by ideological thinking and lofty hopes just as much as by uncertainty and dread.
To make the marriage work and reach your full potential, embracing the “good” and “bad” of life dynamically and maturely is necessary.
In the Save The Marriage workshop. Lee H. Baucom teaches us to embrace fear and doubt and make them our superpowers.
It will be vital to learn how to move past an overly idealized version of love that you’re clinging to or that your wife is clinging to.
Ultimately, you have to break out of that, or she does. And she understands why it will help you greatly in knowing whether this marriage still has juice.
10) She’s trying to make you jealous.
One of the most common reasons your wife talks about her boyfriend is to make you jealous.
I mentioned it is a form of game playing in point one, but it’s more specific.
She’s trying to see whether she can make you chase after her out of jealousy.
She tries to make you feel uneasy and possessive by revealing graphic details of her previous relationships and testing your sense of security.
If you don’t care, she might call you a coward.
She can accuse you of being jealous and possessive if you show too much concern.
It’s a Catch-22, and nothing good can come of it.
11) She has an emotional void.
Your wife may be going through an emotional void, which is one of the more unsettling causes for her talking about her partner.
It could be her mental health or spiritual struggles, but it can also involve you if she doesn’t feel like you two are connecting.
She uses her ex as a character foil because he was once close to her.
Your wife is raising the red flag and telling you she is unhappy and feels cut off.
She’s being harsh and irritable, or if she’s attempting to activate your compassionate side by bringing up an ex, she’s really at the end of her rope. It’s a terrible way to go about things.
12) She desires to revert to a more childlike state.
There’s one thing that your wife’s ex-boyfriend and you will never share:
The same period of your wife’s life
Sometimes she fantasizes about those past times and talks about him because she’s lost in nostalgia.
If she’s also mentioning old family and friends a lot more recently, then this is what it is.
Everyone hates getting older; therefore, your wife might be going back in time to lessen the tension.
Is it necessary for her to mention her ex as part of her nostalgia tour?
Maybe not, but if it isn’t becoming overly offensive or X-rated, you can permit her the occasional idle reference of Mr. Perfect Abs.
13) She regrets marrying you.
It is painful:
Your wife may discuss her ex from time to time if she is unhappy with the marriage.
She may not necessarily want to cheat.
Maybe she’s manipulating your feelings.
She has a lot of regret over your marriage and can’t help but feel that way.
She might regret being married to you, but occasionally she might also feel guilty about doing so.
Nobody would blame you if you reacted negatively to this.
Marriage can be difficult, but how should you react if your partner informs you that exchanging vows with them was a mistake?
14) She wants permission to contact her ex.
Your wife may occasionally bring up her ex to get your OK to contact him.
I’m saying she’s bringing him up because she wants your permission to contact him again.
Either that or she is already talking with him and wants reconciliation.
The easiest method to learn why she has become unexpectedly fixated on him is to question her.
She might not want to tell you, but you have a right to ask and a right to a sensible answer.
15) She is pleading with you to treat her better.
Another reason your wife talks about her boyfriend is because she wants you to treat her better.
She may believe you have stopped appreciating or paying attention to her; she is telling you that you must change gears.
More connection and conversation are needed.
Bringing up her ex reminds you of her value and that you aren’t the first man who’s wanted her heart.
She’s suggesting that you don’t take your relationship for granted.
If you respond angrily, the relationship may be over.
But if you can respond gracefully, with restraint and appreciation for her, you might be surprised as things slowly turn around.
“If you’re prepared to treat your wife like she’s unique, you could be amazed how such actions affect your attitude toward her, not to mention her attitude toward you.”
Remember one crucial thing.
It’s impossible to thoroughly understand your wife’s thoughts or determine the motivation behind her actions.
It is where trust comes into play.
Pay attention to the details if she’s talked much about her ex-boyfriend. You can ask yourself these four questions to determine how serious this is:
1) How is your marriage currently going?
What is the current state of your marriage? Ask yourself.
I refer to the present moment, this day, and this week, not the previous month or year.
Have you two been conversing, making jokes, engaging in sexual activity, and spending time together?
How have things been with work, your family, and your mental and physical health?
If you had to rate your marriage’s health from 1 to 10, with ten being the healthiest, what score would it get?
Refrain from exaggerating the positive, but also don’t be overly pessimistic.
In terms of how your marriage is currently performing, trust your instincts.
If you have no idea, it’s a sign that communication isn’t happening in your marriage right now, and you should check-in.
2) Did anything particular happen recently?
Is there anything noteworthy that has recently occurred?
It’s not a good sign if your wife has been talking about her ex-boyfriend.
It does, however, appear in a specific context.
Is there something recent that happened (or did not happen) that may have shaken her?
Did you forget about your anniversary, or was she ill?
It could even be an issue with your children or at work.
Examine the situation.
3) Was this ex-boyfriend serious?
Then there’s the question of how serious this ex-boyfriend was. Was he a fling or a potential husband?
Did they get serious, or was it a passing romance?
If you don’t know, you should ask her.
If the ex-boyfriend was very serious, then she’s probably not joking around when discussing him.
It sounds more like love rising to the surface.
4) When and why did your wife talk about her ex-boyfriend?
Next, consider the context in which your wife mentions him.
If it’s sporadic, look for a pattern in her behavior.
Look for some underlying topic or issues close to her mentioning him if it happens at random times.
It is you being a marriage detective.
She doesn’t always want to discuss why she brings up her ex, and occasionally she isn’t even aware of it because it’s coming from her subconscious.
If you overhear your wife discussing her guy, stop her.
As I’ve said, either she wants to leave, she’s lying, or she prefers another guy to you. You desire a different point of view.
On the one hand, this may be an opportunity for you to sort through your marital problems and determine whether your relationship is still salvageable.
On the other hand, it’s a concerning indicator that typically denotes a marriage head for the scrap heap.